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Eugyppius reports from Germany: Free speech and free thinkers are dangerous lunatics and must be suppressed. This is serious, folks.

Eugyppius

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EUGYPPIUS

OCT 14, 2024

I write this post through tears to report on the ongoing political emergency that is afflicting the Federal Republic of Germany. Naughty, fascistic and racist people will not stop singing “Ausländer raus” (“foreigners out”) and “Deutschland den Deutschen” (“Germany for the Germans”) to the tune of Gigi D’Agostino’s “L’amour toujours.” They have been told thousands of times to cut it out BUT THEY JUST KEEP DOING IT AND EVERY TIME YOU THINK THEY HAVE STOPPED THEY START UP AGAIN.

As of July the police had responded to at least 368 separate “Foreigners out” incidents, and this five-word racist plague shows no signs of abating. If you didn’t know better, you’d think the completely necessary and boundlessly justified moral hysteria inspired by every “Foreigners out” incident merely encourages more people to sing “Foreigners out,” which is precisely what we don’t want them to sing. It is like National Socialism all over again, except National Socialism only lasted twelve years and at the rate things are going people will still be chanting this execrable hymn to the racism demons a century from now:

That video is from the latest Gigi D’Agostino-inspired crime against humanity. It was filmed last Friday night by a heroic audio technician known to us only as Patrick R., who was hired to assist with a city festival in Burgholzhausen, just north of Frankfurt. Patrick R. first notified the world of this atrocity via a brief and deeply urgent thread on X. Even though it was a day later, the good Patrick R. was still quite shaken, as anybody would be after such a close and harrowing encounter with the forces of evil:

Yesterday I was in Burgholzhausen … working as a technician at a party. After thinking about whether I should publish the video, I’ve now decided to publish it because of my deepest dislike for this behaviour. I can’t understand why neither the DJ nor the organisers took any action here. Instead, the party just continued and the behaviour was accepted in public as normal. Nobody said anything.

Patrick R. went on to say deeply original things about dehumanisation, racism and xenophobia, the likes of which nobody has ever heard before:

Right-wing agitation, xenophobia and pure racism have now been so alarmingly normalised that apparently everyone finds it okay when half of the festival tent sings along to slogans that have recently made so many headlines. I don’t want to live in a society where this is normal. Dehumanising strangers is inhumane. It makes me angry and I believe there is NO excuse for behaviour like this.

Patrick R.’s shocking thread with its incontrovertible video proof of hate went immediately viral, and the Frankfurt police responded right away. They assured Patrick R. that they had “secured the videos and forwarded them accordingly.”

Soon a regional news team summoned our heroic defender of human rights and democracy to discuss the gruesome scene he had witnessed. You could tell that the brave Patrick R. was still traumatised, but he tried to hold it together for the cameras:

“I stood there at first, just stunned, watching the scene,” Patrick R. told Hessenschau.

It started with a few people chanting these slogans. Then more and more people in the tent apparently decided to join in. And I just shook my head and took out my phone. At that moment I just felt powerless.

The reporter informs us that “the song was played several times,” and also that, since posting his recording to X, Patrick R. has been the victim of threats. The poor man has had to deactivate his email account because of “threatening messages,” that is how dangerous and racist all of this is. Despite all of the arrant racism, Patrick R. has not deactivated his X account for some reason. There he is still thanking people for their attention and begging larger accounts for retweets crusading against racism and xenophobia as I type this.

In a second media interview of what will doubtless soon be dozens, Patrick R. explains that he has been “in a state of absolute shock since Friday evening.”

Patrick R. still trembling from the trauma of ambient xenophobia.

“Nobody stopped the shouting, nobody reacted,” he tells his interviewer, adding that at that point he “didn’t understand the world anymore.” To uncharitable critics who have accused him of silently filming this blatant racism for social media credit while doing nothing about it in the moment, Patrick R. explains in words totally bereft of self-satisfaction that “today I’m of the opinion that I did the right thing,” because otherwise “I’m not sure I would still have all my teeth.” And he adds: “Apart from that, the reach that this is generating and the explosive nature that the topic is developing is just right.” What a gift it is to share a country with a good, upstanding man like Patrick R. I could listen to him complain about racism for hours.

Soon the press were picking up the story. Jörg Lau, who writes for Die Zeit – that beacon of all that is good and virtuous – was among the first to denounce this most recent and regrettable resurgence of fascism. “I want dancing to hate-inciting slogans to be punished with severe repression,” Lau tweeted from the depths of his democratic convictions. “Why aren’t the police taking down these people’s identities? This is just as threatening to our state as those pro-Caliphate demonstrations.”

The association that organised the festival threw up a semi-literate Instagram post screeching that singing “Foreigners out” “is absolutely irrevocably against the mentality of our organisation” and clarifying that they “stand for openness and do not tolerate any hate [speech].”

Our stalwart racism denouncer, Patrick R., is however unwilling to absolve the festival organisers. “When I realised they had posted a story on Instagram and Facebook, I reached out to them and wrote that I was the one who had posted the video. ‘If you need to talk, feel free to get in touch with me.’ There was no response.” As we all know, not responding to racism denouncers is itself a clear and blatant form of racism.

Lars Keitel, the mayor of Burgholzhausen, published a slavering statement deploring his city’s disco racism incident this morning. Perhaps worried what Patrick R. might say to the press about his delayed apology, Keitel first explains that he has been travelling, before assuring us that he has “been in contact with the police since yesterday,” and that authorities are “already investigating and looking for further witnesses.” There follows his heartfelt and sensitive endorsement of “respect, tolerance and mutual cooperation” – indeed, of “humanity” itself – and his rejection of “xenophobia,” “hatred,” “exclusion” and “intolerance”:

It is irrelevant to me whether just a few or many people shouted “Germany for the Germans, foreigners out.” There is no place for such words in our city. We are an open and diverse community built on respect, tolerance and mutual cooperation. I personally stand for these values and I am glad that there are many people and institutions in our city who have contacted me in the last 24 hours or are publicly expressing themselves and representing exactly these values …

I would like to make it clear once again: xenophobia and hatred of other people because of their origin contradict the values that we live and defend here. Those who shout such things are acting against the cohesion and peaceful coexistence that makes our city strong …

I want our city to be a place where there is no room for hatred and exclusion, but where we treat each other with respect and humanity. We all have to do our part to make that happen. Let us stand together against intolerance and racism and show that we stand together as a community – regardless of origin.

While Keitel was rushing back from Austria to pen these eloquent and introspective words, municipal officials were doing their part to exorcise local racisms by posting this helpful antiracist graphic to the Burgholzhausen website, which does not at all look like it was thrown together in the last minute by some nine year-old girl for a school equity-and-inclusion project:

At the top it reads “Heart not hate, brains not hate in Burgholzhausen,” and continues with perfect coherence: “Birthplace: Earth; Race: Human; Politics: Freedom; Religion: Love.” In accompanying text our city administrators note defensively that “you can’t check everyone at a city festival,” and with some vague hope for absolution they also muse that “not every partygoer is from Burgholzhausen.” News to Burgholzhausen: This is not how you do a racism apology. Racism is everywhere, Burgholzhausen is especially and thoroughly racist, and until you can unreservedly own your racism and loathe yourself for it before the entire world you are just the same as all the other racists singing “Foreigners out.”

Meanwhile, the press stories just keep rolling in. Welt have an articleas do Focus and Pro Sieben. The Frankfurter Rundschau have a particularly extensive write-up, as this racism is happening in their territory and they are basically responsible for it. There we read that this is the the thirteenth incident that state police have investigated in Hessen, where “L’amour toujours”-inspired racisms are such a problem that they have apparently become a separately-tabulated category of criminal offence:

Before November 2023, the state criminal office is not aware of any right-wing incidents in connection with “L’amour toujours”, a spokeswoman told our editorial team. It is therefore quite reasonable to speak of an “increase” of alleged incidents in the recent past. The city festival in Burgholzhausen now fits into this inglorious series.

BILD ask potential witnesses to contact investigators in Bad Homburg to assist them in laying bare this crime of the century. The Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung promise us that police will issue a statement on their progress sometime todayDer Spiegel put in a little more effort to lament the “almost inevitable automatism” via which Germans are driven to “chant racist slogans” anytime somebody plays “L’amour toujours.” They rightly fret that the 368 officially registered cases are but a small fraction of the true number of Italodance-inspired racisms happening out there, because “the police are not always called and recordings are not always made.” Particularly worrying in Patrick R.’s video, they note, is the fact that “so many partygoers were singing … that they could be heard clearly despite the loud music.”

The crack reporters at Sternfamed for their investigative reporting, do not have much to add to this cornucopia of coverage, and so they simply repost an old video that the journalist Michel Abdollahi made during the last “Foreigners out” uproar. In this memorable statement, Abdollahi claims that “it really hurts when people shout ‘foreigners out’ in your face for 38 years” and that “the problem” of racism “is getting bigger and bigger,” such that only “profound change” like “the constant, constant, constant questioning of racist thought patterns” and “the defence of democracy” can save us.

Racism explainer Michel Abdollahi explaining why everybody is racist.

Alas, not all voices are joining this righteous chorus. Henry Albrecht at Apollo News, who is probably a racist himself, has the insensitive temerity to ask why the police are investigating in the first place – and even to question how merely singing “Foreigners out” constitutes a crime:

At a folk festival in Friedrichsdorf-Burgholzhausen in the Hochtaunus district of Hesse, several people are said to have sung the slogan ‘Germany for Germans, foreigners out” … Now the police are investigating, but it’s questionable whether this makes any sense …

For example, the Augsburg public prosecutor’s office dropped its investigation after several members of the Hohenfurch rural youth sang the lines in question at a carnival parade in Landsberg in February. The facts of the case do not constitute the offence of incitement …. and is therefore not punishable.

A similar case also occupied the public prosecutor’s office in Neubrandenburg, which in October 2023 opened an investigation against four people who had sung these lines in a nightclub. As a spokeswoman told Spiegel at the end of June, the investigation was closed because the authorities could not find any criminal offence. According to current case law, the statements are covered by freedom of expression and thus do not constitute incitement …

At the end of August, the public prosecutor’s office in Hanover also closed the investigation into an incident at the marksmen’s festival in Kleinburgwedel in mid-May. The songs were also sung there – but according to the public prosecutor's office, they did not constitute the criminal offence of incitement of the people.

Yes, you read that right: Somehow it is the year 2024 and racism is still not illegal in the Federal Republic of Germany. Somebody needs to get our antiracist audio technician’s thoughts about that.

Having fun with cognitive dissonance

I got these two gems from the A Midwestern Doctor blog.

1) New Age Bullshit Generator: 

https://sebpearce.com/bullshit/

This generator produces stuff that sounds plausible, but when you read it you scratch your head and wonder, “What is the point?” Click on the Reionize Electrons button at the top of the page to generate a new script.

2) Postmodern Language Generator. This one is scary because it generates a meaningless and frustrating word salad that mirrors academic papers by "experts." We hear EVERY DAY on the "news" from bureaucrats who testify before Congressional committees, and "expert" talking heads who inhabit network talk and news shows. Maybe these people are reading from scripts generated by these AI tools! It’s scary to think that cognitive dissonance is the language of our government (and media), which has turned inward on itself and the people it is supposed to assist.

The Wylie publishing group recently deleted 19 scholarly journals with hundreds of nonsense peer-reviewed AI articles that read like this.

https://www.elsewhere.org/pomo/

Refresh the page in your browser to generate a new article.

Comments

re New Age Generator: I don’t like to criticize those seeking spiritual awareness. I myself have written a self-help book and a book titled “Dialogues, Conversation with My Higher Self,” which was my attempt to answer questions about life, the universe, and everything.

I know that many people are striving to connect with higher awareness. However, there are also marketers and con men out there who try to take advantage of well-meaning people by writing stuff like this. These are people who have no understanding of self or spirituality, and are just interested in notoriety and money.

Because I didn’t want to be classified in the Airhead / Space Cadet category with my spiritual writing, I wrote a math/geometry textbook about three dimensional solids called polyhedra. I figured it gave me cred with those who still have the ability to think rationally. 

I think the New Age generator writes pretty good spiritual gobbledygook. The Postmodern Language Generator is frighteningly close to the reality of ScienceTM, and academic and bureaucratic doublespeak. See for yourself.

Have fun with these two generators!

The great C J Hopkins cuts through the bullshit and propaganda

Springtime for GloboCap

article at https://cjhopkins.substack.com/p/springtime-for-globocap?s=r

CJ Hopkins41 min ago259

Warm up the Wagnerian orchestra and call in the goose-stepping chorus girls, because … yes, that’s right, it’s Springtime for GloboCap! “The Winter of Severe Illness and Death” is over! The big Black Sun is shining again! God’s in his heaven, all’s right with the world!

OK, sure, the vast majority of humanity are suffering from post-traumatic stress, having been terrorized, gaslighted, threatened, bullied, and otherwise systematically mindfucked by their governments, the media, and “health authorities” on a daily basis for the past two years, and we’re all exhausted and at each other’s throats, and many of our businesses and incomes have been ruined, and inflation is spiraling out of control, and a lot of us are still being gratuitously demonized, segregated from society, banned from traveling, and forced to submit to invasive procedures and wear medically-pointless symbols of ideological conformity on our faces, so we’re not quite in the spirit of the season … but, for GloboCap, things couldn’t be going any better!

Not only is the final phase of their roll-out of the new pathologized totalitarianism (i.e., the New Normal) going more or less to plan, but those pesky, non-ball-playing Russians have been baited into a military quagmire in the Ukraine that could be dragged out for years! Think of all the destabilization, restructuring, and privatization opportunities, and not just in Russia and Eastern Europe, and not just during the next few years, but throughout the world and well into the future! With the majority of the Western masses brain-buggered into a state of almost catatonic credulity and obedience, who’s going to stop them? The sky’s the limit!

We’re talking radical social and economic restructuring, a brave new GloboCap-curated world! A world of constant chaos and crisis, eternally recurring “apocalyptic pandemics,” intramural proxy wars, climate-change lockdowns, “disinformation” attacks, mandatory genetic-therapy, digital currencies … the whole nine yards. A world not governed as much as “guided” by non-governmental global-governance entities, global corporations, benevolent billionaires, banks, investment management firms, and, of course, the military and Intelligence communities.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. It will be a while before GloboCap can blossom into its full expression. In the meantime, the global “Clear-and-Hold” op continues … and appears to have abruptly shifted into an extremely psychotic and fascist phase.

This shift was executed in Orwellian fashion, like that scene in 1984 where the Party switches official enemies right in the middle of a Hate Week speech. But, in our case, the switch was a little more complicated, because GloboCap didn’t just switch official enemies — like they did in the Summer of 2016 and then again in the Spring of 2020 — they revised the identity of the official enemy, not just its name, but its fundamental character, or, more accurately, and more psychotically, they split the identity of the official enemy, stripping off and embracing its fascism while simultaneously maintaining and magnifying its fascism, simulating a moral spectrum of fascism, and thus subjecting the New Normal masses to a mind-bending level of Orwellian double-think.

In the blink of an eye, without missing a beat, both the white-supremacist Putin-Nazis that plagued Democracy throughout the Trumpian Reich and the Covid-denying Anti-Vax Nazis that plagued the New Normals throughout the Global Pandemic were seamlessly replaced by the GloboCap Nazis … but, the thing is, the GloboCap Nazis are the good guys, and the Putin-Nazis and Anti-Vax Nazis are … well, I guess they’re still technically Nazis, except for the fact that they aren’t actual Nazis and are mostly just regular working-class people, whereas the GloboCap Nazis are actual Nazis (i.e., Sieg-heiling, Jew-hating, Hitler-worshiping Nazis), who the US military and Intelligence community, NATO, and assorted private “military advisors” have been funding, arming, and otherwise supporting since the 2014 Ukrainian “revolution” (i.e., coup) that they orchestrated to destabilize Russia as part of that global Clear-and-Hold operation (which operation, of course, doesn’t actually exist, and is just another conspiracy theory disseminated by Putin-Nazi traitors like me to erode support for the GloboCap Nazis, who are really just wholesome young Aryan boys who are trying to defend Democracy from Evil, and cleanse their country of the Jews and the Roma, and exterminate the Russian race, starting with the children, apparently).

OK, I know this is getting confusing, what with all the various Nazis, and so on, but that’s only because you’re still trying to make sense of the psychotic official propaganda that GloboCap is relentlessly bombarding us with. For example, this recent BBC segment in which Ros Atkins explains how the neo-Nazi Azov Detachment is actually “mainstream.” Or this NBC piece by Allan Ripp, explaining how, yes, there is definitely a serious neo-Nazi problem in the Ukraine, but if the Ukrainian Nazis (i.e., the GloboCap Nazis) persecute and murder the Ukrainian Jews, it’s Putin’s fault for invading the country and creating “chaos and insurgency,” or whatever.

Or this Unheard piece by Aris Roussinous, explaining that arming and supporting neo-Nazis “may be one of the hard choices forced by war,” and advising Zelenskyy to disarm them once the war is over and “freedom” is restored … which, obviously, he intends to do. After all, the man is Jewish! He will probably ban the neo-Nazis outright, like he banned all the non-neo-Nazi parties.

Or, if you prefer your propaganda less nuanced, you can go with CNN and get it straight from the source, for example, from Major Denis Prokopenko of the neo-Nazi Azov Regiment …

Or these Svoboda neo-Nazis that Jeremy Bowen of the BBC was hanging out with …

Apparently, CNN and the BBC were unable to locate any non-neo-Nazis to bring us the “fact-checked Truth” from the battlefield.

Or … wait. Sorry, I got all confused again. These are the good Nazis … the GloboCap Nazis! The actual Nazis, not the fictional Nazis. Or … wait, no … never mind. I mean, it’s not like it really matters anyway, right? The point is, it’s Spring, and the goat-footed balloon-Man whistles … no, strike the balloon-Man. This is not the time for balloon-Man references. It’s New Normal Spring! The birds are buzzing! The bees are chirping! The ICBMs are tumescent with rocket fuel and throbbing in their silos! The New Normal masses are out prancing around with their “vaccination passports” and medical-looking masks, in their official neo-Nazi Azov hoodies, waving their Ukrainian flags, and otherwise desperately trying to pretend that they haven’t just been colossally mindfucked by GloboCap for the last two years!

But there I go, getting negative again. I really need to try to focus on the positive, no matter how psychotic things are in reality. Here in New Normal Germany, it’s almost “Freedom Day” again! Technically, “Freedom Day” was March 18, but they rewrote the “Infection Protection Act” (again) to postpone “Freedom Day” until April 2, after which “the Unvaccinated” will be allowed back out into society and everyone will only be forced to wear symbols of conformity to official ideology on their faces on public transport, and trains, and planes, and in hospitals, and various other places, unless federal states declare themselves “hotspots” — which several states have already done — in which case “Freedom Day” is postponed indefinitely.

But whatever … it’s Springtime for GloboCap! Freedom is slavery! Ignorance is strength! The GloboCap Nazis are winning the war! Sure, Pfizer just released nine pages of “adverse events of special interest” connected to their Covid “vaccine,” but they “may not have any causal relationship” to each other! And all those videos of the GloboCap Nazis duct-taping men, women, and children to lampposts, painting their faces with chemicals, stripping them half naked, and whipping and beating them? Those people are “saboteurs” or “looters,” or “Putin-Nazi collaborators,” and it’s all just Russian disinformation! And whatever. Trust the “Science” … or something!

All right, I think that’s quite enough from me. I’ll sign off and let you get back to the show. Look, here come the triple-vaxxed, double-boosted, goose-stepping GloboCap chorus girls!

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Joe "I don't even know what I'm signing, man" Biden signed 17 Executive Orders during his first two days as president. These EO's eliminated thousands of jobs in the energy industry in the US and Canada, solved the "toxic masculinity" problem by allowing biological men to compete against (and crush) women in sports, allowed the Communist Party of China access to the U.S. power grid, made it easier for CCP companies and their military to access U.S. capital markets, and in general made life easier for the corporate overlords who have bought off our politicians, who are hiding behind barricades and thousands of militarized National Guard troops, protecting themselves against a population they have been "elected" to govern.

You can find these EOs in the federal register, at federalregister.gov, under Presidential Documents.

Let's celebrate! We now have a president who is "protecting our democracy!"

If you haven't yet been totally brainwashed by our corporate controlled Mainstream Media, you might find some comic relief in this little vid Watch it before the Big Tech oligarchs (who are protecting us from Domestic Violent Extremists like the lady who made this vid) take it down:

The only questions now are,

Where is the next manufactured international "crisis"?

When will the next "regime change" war start?

It's so great that we got rid of Trump, because we are now living in a real democracy!!

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Here is what the game of baseball might look like 20 years from now, if stadiums keep getting smaller and smaller and contracts bigger and bigger. This is a joke, of course! I used the Yankees because their stadium is one of the smallest and their contracts some of the biggest.

Welcome to the New Yankees Baseball

"Welcome to Yankee Stadium! It's the 2035 season and the Royals are in town for a 3 game series in the new, $10 billion ballpark, built just last year. You know Jack, some people say that the Yankees had to bribe everyone from the Commissioner to the water boys of every team to get this new ballpark built, but it's worth it."

“It sure is, Walt! And here comes ‘Gramps’ Texiera, the Yankees’ 63-year old first baseman. ‘Gramps’ just signed a new $1 billion 5-year contract, and the Yankees aren’t disappointed. Here comes the pitch. There’s a pop up – er, a LONG fly ball to deep center, and it’s gone! Way back in center over the 225 foot barrier.”

“Ol’ ‘Gramps’ now has 65 RBIs and 59 homers Jack, and it’s only the beginning of July!”

“Yes sir, people say it’s not fair that the Yankees get to play 81 games in this stadium, that it’s just a Little League ballpark. But it’s an even playing field for both ball clubs, Walt.”

“That’s right Jack! The Yankees are going to break every record in the book before the season is over.”

“Here comes the 62-year old Alex Rodriguez. There’s a high pop-up – er, a LONG fly ball to left and it’s gone over the 199-foot wall by the foul pole. Home run! That’s number 55 for Old Man Alex.”

“Yankee fans are going crazy Walt!”

“Some say the Yankees are demeaning the game of baseball Jack, but the purpose is to WIN. And that’s what the club is doing.”

“Couldn’t have said it better, Walt.”

“Well Jack, we have another barn-burner going. Yankees lead, 25 to 23 in the bottom of the sixth. The Royals’ pitchers are having a hard time getting anybody out. What do you say about Yankee critics who complain about the length of games in the new Yankee stadium, Jack?”

“Scoring! That’s what fans want! So what if the average length of each game is 5 hours and 47 minutes? There’s lots of runs being scored, and that’s what the fans like.”

[laughing] “That’s right Walt. And it doesn’t hurt the beer concessions either! There are over 1,000 vendors selling 64-ounce ‘Big Jugs.’ The club is making millions more from alcohol sales at $100 per beer!”

“Yes Jack. Yankee haters say the new stadium is causing a lot more accidents as drunken fans get in their cars and run people over, but that’s a relatively minor problem compared to how much fans are enjoying the new stadium!”

“That’s right Walt! Even though the YES network generates $14 billion every year, these new Yankee contracts have raised the payroll to an astonishing $23.6 billion per year. Why, the new $900 million 5–year contract to an aging C. C. Sabathia costs a pretty penny!”

“That’s right Jack. ’Ol C. C. can barely get the ball to the plate now, but in this glorious new stadium, the slower you pitch the more outs you get, so experience is at a premium. Teams learned real quick that even a foul tip off a 95-mph flamethrower can get over the walls here.”

“And that’s a good thing Walt! The fences are in so far, this new ballpark can easily hold over 120,000 fans. Less field, more seats, more fans, more drunks, more fun! It’s a great marketing strategy, and I’m astonished that no one thought of it before.”

[laughing]. “It’s the Yankee Way, Jack. The Yankees have always been ahead of the curve. All right, the Royals are bringing in the grandfather of their highly-touted flamethrower to pitch the rest of the sixth. And here’s the pitch! A fast ball at the knees for a strike against Carlos Beltran.”

“And here’s the pitch! There’s a ground ball up the middle and into center field. A base hit! But wait... the Royals centerfielder picks it up and throws the runner out at first.”

“Walt, in the new Yankee stadium the outfielders can position themselves twenty feet behind the infield, so there are almost no base hits now. Hardly any runners on base!”

“That’s right Jack. In the new Yankees baseball, we can dispense with boring stuff like ‘small ball.’ No more hit and run, stealing bases, double plays, throwing runners out, and sacrifice flies. Fans want to see the long ball because it’s more fun!”

“Walt, the Royals manager, Ned Yost Sr., is walking out of the dugout toward the crew chief umpire at home plate. He’s handing over something. This is very unusual.”

“The public address announcer is reading something Jack. Let’s listen in.”

“THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS REFUSE TO PLAY ANOTHER INNING IN THIS RIDICULOUS BALLPARK, AND ARE FORFEITING THE GAME. THIS STADIUM IS A DISGRACE TO MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL.”

“Walt, 122,000 Yankee fans are booing. Look! Thousands of them are running onto the field and the Royals players are fleeing for their lives into the dugout!”

“Jack, the fans have gotten hold of Ned Yost! They are pounding a wooden pole into the ground and tying the 87-year old manager to it!”

“They’re lighting a bonfire! This is the most entertaining baseball game I’ve ever seen!”

“Jack, Ned Yost is burning like a witch at the stake. Now Yankee fans are sifting through the charred remains of the Royals’ manager’s bones! Here’s our on-field reporter, Katy Strange.”

“I’m talking with a Yankee fan here from the Bronx. What are you doing with that still-smoking rib?”

“Taking it home and putting it on my trophy shelf Katy. We’re all celebrating another Yankees victory!”

“There you have it Walt! Tens of thousands of angry Yankee fans are now chasing the Royals’ players into their dugout and out onto the street!”

“Jack, this is the funnest Yankee game I’ve ever been to!”

“Yes sir. This is the new Yankees’ baseball in the new Yankee stadium!”