Here is what the game of baseball might look like 20 years from now, if stadiums keep getting smaller and smaller and contracts bigger and bigger. This is a joke, of course! I used the Yankees because their stadium is one of the smallest and their contracts some of the biggest.<\/p>\n
Welcome to the New Yankees Baseball<\/strong><\/p>\n “Welcome to Yankee Stadium! It’s the 2035 season and the Royals are in town for a 3 game series in the new, $10 billion ballpark, built just last year. You know Jack, some people say that the Yankees had to bribe everyone from the Commissioner to the water boys of every team to get this new ballpark built, but it’s worth it.”<\/p>\n \u201cIt sure is, Walt! And here comes \u2018Gramps\u2019 Texiera, the Yankees\u2019 63-year old first baseman. \u2018Gramps\u2019 just signed a new $1 billion 5-year contract, and the Yankees aren\u2019t disappointed. Here comes the pitch. There\u2019s a pop up \u2013 er, a LONG fly ball to deep center, and it\u2019s gone! Way back in center over the 225 foot barrier.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOl\u2019 \u2018Gramps\u2019 now has 65 RBIs and 59 homers Jack, and it\u2019s only the beginning of July!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir, people say it\u2019s not fair that the Yankees get to play 81 games in this stadium, that it\u2019s just a Little League ballpark. But it\u2019s an even playing field for both ball clubs, Walt.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right Jack! The Yankees are going to break every record in the book before the season is over.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHere comes the 62-year old Alex Rodriguez. There\u2019s a high pop-up \u2013 er, a LONG fly ball to left and it\u2019s gone over the 199-foot wall by the foul pole. Home run! That\u2019s number 55 for Old Man Alex.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYankee fans are going crazy Walt!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSome say the Yankees are demeaning the game of baseball Jack, but the purpose is to WIN. And that\u2019s what the club is doing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCouldn\u2019t have said it better, Walt.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell Jack, we have another barn-burner going. Yankees lead, 25 to 23 in the bottom of the sixth. The Royals\u2019 pitchers are having a hard time getting anybody out. What do you say about Yankee critics who complain about the length of games in the new Yankee stadium, Jack?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cScoring! That\u2019s what fans want! So what if the average length of each game is 5 hours and 47 minutes? There\u2019s lots of runs being scored, and that\u2019s what the fans like.\u201d<\/p>\n [laughing] \u201cThat\u2019s right Walt. And it doesn\u2019t hurt the beer concessions either! There are over 1,000 vendors selling 64-ounce \u2018Big Jugs.\u2019 The club is making millions more from alcohol sales at $100 per beer!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes Jack. Yankee haters say the new stadium is causing a lot more accidents as drunken fans get in their cars and run people over, but that\u2019s a relatively minor problem compared to how much fans are enjoying the new stadium!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right Walt! Even though the YES network generates $14 billion every year, these new Yankee contracts have raised the payroll to an astonishing $23.6 billion per year. Why, the new $900 million 5\u2013year contract to an aging C. C. Sabathia costs a pretty penny!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right Jack. \u2019Ol C. C. can barely get the ball to the plate now, but in this glorious new stadium, the slower you pitch the more outs you get, so experience is at a premium. Teams learned real quick that even a foul tip off a 95-mph flamethrower can get over the walls here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd that\u2019s a good thing Walt! The fences are in so far, this new ballpark can easily hold over 120,000 fans. Less field, more seats, more fans, more drunks, more fun! It\u2019s a great marketing strategy, and I\u2019m astonished that no one thought of it before.\u201d<\/p>\n [laughing]. \u201cIt\u2019s the Yankee Way, Jack. The Yankees have always been ahead of the curve. All right, the Royals are bringing in the grandfather of their highly-touted flamethrower to pitch the rest of the sixth. And here\u2019s the pitch! A fast ball at the knees for a strike against Carlos Beltran.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd here\u2019s the pitch! There\u2019s a ground ball up the middle and into center field. A base hit! But wait… the Royals centerfielder picks it up and throws the runner out at first.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWalt, in the new Yankee stadium the outfielders can position themselves twenty feet behind the infield, so there are almost no base hits now. Hardly any runners on base!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right Jack. In the new Yankees baseball, we can dispense with boring stuff like \u2018small ball.\u2019 No more hit and run, stealing bases, double plays, throwing runners out, and sacrifice flies. Fans want to see the long ball because it\u2019s more fun!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWalt, the Royals manager, Ned Yost Sr., is walking out of the dugout toward the crew chief umpire at home plate. He\u2019s handing over something. This is very unusual.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe public address announcer is reading something Jack. Let\u2019s listen in.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTHE KANSAS CITY ROYALS REFUSE TO PLAY ANOTHER INNING IN THIS RIDICULOUS BALLPARK, AND ARE FORFEITING THE GAME. THIS STADIUM IS A DISGRACE TO MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWalt, 122,000 Yankee fans are booing. Look! Thousands of them are running onto the field and the Royals players are fleeing for their lives into the dugout!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJack, the fans have gotten hold of Ned Yost! They are pounding a wooden pole into the ground and tying the 87-year old manager to it!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re lighting a bonfire! This is the most entertaining baseball game I\u2019ve ever seen!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJack, Ned Yost is burning like a witch at the stake. Now Yankee fans are sifting through the charred remains of the Royals\u2019 manager\u2019s bones! Here\u2019s our on-field reporter, Katy Strange.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m talking with a Yankee fan here from the Bronx. What are you doing with that still-smoking rib?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTaking it home and putting it on my trophy shelf Katy. We\u2019re all celebrating another Yankees victory!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere you have it Walt! Tens of thousands of angry Yankee fans are now chasing the Royals\u2019 players into their dugout and out onto the street!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJack, this is the funnest Yankee game I\u2019ve ever been to!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir. This is the new Yankees\u2019 baseball in the new Yankee stadium!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Here is what the game of baseball might look like 20 years from now, if stadiums keep getting smaller and smaller and contracts bigger and bigger. This is a joke, of course! I used the Yankees because their stadium is … Continue reading