We have all heard the advice that "accepting" whatever situation you are in will lead to a positive result. This is basically the same as "say yes to it" or "stop resisting it."
My reaction to hearing this sort of generalized self-help guidance is: whatever.
It's good advice, but very glib. When you are actually IN an undesirable situation, you don't want to hear anyone say "just accept it." At least I don't! I'm looking for practical solutions and I want them NOW.
My emotional reaction is usually something like this: "excuse me, but the situation is NOT acceptable! If I accept a bad situation I am just rolling over and giving up. How can you get a positive outcome by accepting something negative? It doesn't make sense!"
Well, it turns out that accepting the situation IS the key to a positive outcome. But you have to do it a certain way.
I am going to share two examples from real life to illustrate this idea, from Amanda Goldston, my co-host on the Interview With Spirit show. Amanda's examples are compelling because they are serious, real-life situations that were solved, almost magically, by the fundamental idea of acceptance..
Amanda is involved in a serious dispute with a mortgage company that is trying to take away her home. She has been battling this situation for over two years now.
After writing the mortgage company for 2 years, sending them reams of data about their payment history, going to court, and basically bitching up a storm and getting really angry at the system for its perceived injustices, she and her husband sat down and decided to look at the situation without prejudice, because they were in real danger of losing their house and having to move in with relatives. It was their contention that they owed the company no money other than the monthly mortgage payment, which was being paid every month by social services. The mortgage company asserted that the homeowners owed several thousand pounds in late fees and other charges.
Amanda and Greg went through all of the documents and looked at the entire history of their dealings with the company. After a totally honest and direct look at the facts – something that was VERY difficult to do because of the emotions surrounding the events – Amanda and Greg concluded that yes, maybe they really might owe the company some money. They looked at each other and faced the fact that they may in fact lose their house. At first this was very hard to accept, but since they had fully confronted the situation and the emotions and the resistance surrounding it, they were able – for the first time – to feel calm about having to leave, and began to draw up contingency plans.
Then something interesting happened. A short while after their sit-down, Amanda found herself at the computer, writing a letter to the company. She told me that she hardly knew what she was typing; it was as if someone else was dictating and she was just hitting the keyboard. Eight pages later, she had finished. She then enclosed a bill for 500 pounds, along with the letter, to the company for "wasting our time." The company immediately sent a form letter back, once again demanding payment of fees and charges, so Amanda re-sent the letter with another $500 pound "wasting my time" invoice. The invoice was a little joke from her to the mortgage company.
Amazingly, after a delay of several weeks, the company sent her a letter back with a "valued customer appreciation" check, and ended the letter by saying that the matter was now concluded. No fees owed!
The check wasn't for 500 pounds. A lot less, but Amanda was amazed, because the situation had resolved itself in their favor with almost no effort!
Amanda explained it to me by saying that they had done two things:
1) Fully and completely looked at the situation – a very complex legal situation with thousands of pounds involved -- without prejudice, rancor, or resistance. They just laid it all out and observed every aspect of it.
2) They accepted the situation for what it was, and felt good about whatever might happen, even if they had to lose the house.
After that Amanda was inspired to write the letter that resolved the confrontation.
Amanda was first inspired by an acceptance meditation. She was able to release a little of her resistance and anger toward the mortgage company before the sit-down with Greg, which then allowed her to take a detailed look at all of the documentation relating to it. Very often when you are stuck in something uncomfortable, looking at it is the very last thing you want to do. It's too difficult!
The laws of the universe respond when you actually change your vibration. If you don't really change, you keep getting the same old stuff, with a little different twist each time, but nothing gets resolved. That's what had happened for two years as Amanda went round and round with the mortgage company. The dominant vibration in Amanda was one of anger, which led to confrontation.
Accepting the situation for exactly what it was allowed Amanda to actually change her vibe. She told me the key moment was when she and Greg acknowledged that they might in fact actually owe the company some money. Both she and Greg were able to step back, out of their limited viewpoint, and actually see the situation from the company's side as well. That led to an acceptance which then blew out all of their resistance and allowed them to accelerate up the emotional/vibrational scale. Then she felt that action was appropriate, and she acted. Amanda was very insistent on acting, rather than just meditating. "It's really important to get into action, not just sit around and hope something will happen," she said. "I wanted to let the universe take care of it, because we didn't know what to do, but when I felt inspired to write that letter and send it off, I did."
"Changing your vibration" is the sort of thing Esther Hicks talks about all the time in her lectures, but it goes over the head of a lot of people. When people first hear about the Law of Attraction, they want to say an affirmation or do a visualization and have everything immediately resolve. But that's not how it works! To change your vibe you have to first accept where you are before you can make any progress. Amanda found that out with truly amazing results.
If you want to hear the interview with Amanda, you can go to the Interview With Spirit show and listen to show for August 18, 2010. Here's the link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/interviewwithspirit
Confronting something for what it is requires integrity. Integrity is wholeness, which is precisely what "looking at the unwanted situation for what it really is" means! You are looking at the WHOLE situation, not just holding your viewpoint and insisting upon it. When Amanda was able to step out of the situation to see BOTH sides (even the perspective of the evil mortgage company), she was able to honestly look at it, and then accept it.
I once heard a statement from Carolyn Myss, a medical intuitive, to the effect that she didn't really run her life; she simply followed the hunches and inspiration from her Higher Self. I understand what that means now, and so does Amanda. She told me that a "higher" power wrote the letter for her. Apparently, fully accepting the situation with the mortgage company lowered all resistance and she was able to hear her Higher Self and act.
The second situation involved Amanda's dog, who developed a nasty tumor. To remove it would cost 200 pounds (about $350), and she didn't have the money. She wanted to go to the bank, but felt hopeless because her financial situation was not good, and banks are being very selective about who they lend to these days.
But the tumor kept getting bigger and bigger, and she realized she HAD to do something. So she decided, "what the hell, what's the worst thing that can happen? They'll say no and I won't be any worse off." Again, events forced her to the wall and she sucked it up and went to the bank. To her surprise, the loan officer smiled and said, "Sure, you can have the money."
Well, Amanda went home feeling pretty good about the situation, and herself, even though there would now be an extra bill. Two in a row! she thought. This acceptance thing seemed to be working pretty well!
Then an amazing thing happened. That day, the dog kept scratching the tumor and it opened up. Amanda opened the door to let the dog outside, and it bumped up against the door frame. A short time later Amanda looked out and saw the dog licking the area where the tumor had been. It was gone! All that was left was a tiny red spot.
Amanda took the dog back to the vet, who said that it was very unusual for such growths to cleanly fall off. The vet gave her some topical crème to put on the dog's skin and charged her 30 pounds for the visit.
So the universe came up with an even better solution, for now she didn't have to go to the bank!
These two events are a great example of the power of acceptance, because they are not trivial. In fact, both of them were quite serious. Simply confronting the situation and accepting it led to two magical solutions, one in which they received money and a resolution to the housing problem, and another in which a small amount of money needed to be paid.
I think that's pretty impressive. Well done Amanda!